To my dismay, I did not dream that night.
The next morning, I woke up still trapped in Amber's body. My heart sank as I realized this wasn't just a one-day fluke. I was really stuck like this.
I dragged myself out of bed, dreading another day of pretending to be my cousin. Yesterday had been a disaster. I'd fumbled through conversations, laughed at the wrong times, and nearly had a breakdown when Aunt Karen asked me about "my" college applications. How was I supposed to know what schools Amber was considering?
I stumbled to the bathroom, still groggy and disoriented. As I splashed water on my face, I caught sight of Amber's reflection in the mirror. Those unfamiliar brown eyes stared back at me, filled with a mix of fear and resignation.
"Okay," I whispered to myself, "You can do this. Just... be Amber."
But how could I be someone I barely knew? Sure, we saw each other at family gatherings, but I didn't know the first thing about her daily life, her friends, her interests. And, on top of that, she was, like five years older than me.
I gripped the edges of the sink, trying to steady myself. I had no idea when or if I’d ever be able to return to my own body, so I had to at least try my best not to fuck up her life in the meantime.
My mind drifted to the obvious anatomical differences between this body and my old male self. I peered nervously at the flat, smooth mound between my legs, trying to psych myself up about it.
Yes, I was still pretty grossed out about this being my cousin’s body, but I had no idea how long it was gonna take to dream myself back out of her. Until I did, I was pretty much stuck like this. I couldn't afford to get lost in these moral quandaries. I knew I was going to have to get comfortable with her female parts, whether I wanted to or not.
I took a deep breath and slowly slid my hand down the front of Amber's pajama pants. The sensation was strange and unfamiliar. I gently explored the soft folds, trying to push aside my discomfort and embarrassment. This was my body now, at least for the time being. I needed to understand how it worked.
I slowly slipped my fingers inside and gasped at how deep they went. It felt kind of …good. I continued wriggling my fingers inside me, an almost involuntary smile plastered on my face. From that point on, I got kind of carried away. I was so conflicted, but I couldn’t stop. I didn’t stop. I just started chasing the sensations.
"I'm sorry, Amber," I whispered to my reflection.
But even as I said it, I knew it was a lie. I was craving more, despite the wrongness of it all.
My body tensed as waves of pleasure began to build. I bit my lip to stifle any sounds, not wanting to alert anyone in the house. My fingers moved faster, more urgently, as I chased an unfamiliar sensation building inside me.
Suddenly, my legs began to shake. An intense rush of euphoria washed over me as my inner muscles clenched around my fingers. I gasped, overwhelmed by the intensity of the female orgasm.
What had I done? This was my cousin's body, not some toy for me to experiment with.
But another part of me argued that I was stuck in this situation, potentially long-term. Wasn't it natural to want to understand this new body? To experience its sensations?
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