“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I buried my face in Amber's pillow, trying to muffle my frustrated, girly screams.
What had I gotten myself into? A date with Jake? A party this weekend? I was in way over my head.
I just wanted to disappear.
I found myself falling back into habit, touching Amber's body again, seeking that fleeting comfort and pleasure. A brief escape.
I lay on Amber's bed, my hand moving rhythmically beneath her pajama bottoms. The guilt and shame were still there, but they were becoming easier to ignore with each passing day. The pleasure built quickly, my body - Amber's body - responding eagerly to my now practiced touch.
What was happening to me? I had started out horrified at being in Amber's body, and now I was...what? Enjoying it? Taking advantage of it? This wasn't just some random girl's body I was inhabiting - this was my cousin. My family.
"Oh God," I gasped as I climaxed, Amber's voice high and breathy.
I curled up on my side, hugging Amber's pillow tightly to my chest. Tears began to fall, soaking into the soft fabric. I missed my old life, my old body. I missed the simplicity of being a 12-year-old boy, where my biggest worries were homework and video games. Now I was juggling high school classes, college applications, and romantic entanglements I was completely unprepared for.
The weight of it all felt crushing. How long could I keep this charade up? Sooner or later, someone was bound to realize I wasn't really Amber.
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