Inside of Me

At twenty-seven, I had hit rock bottom. My job, or rather, my daily grind, was peddling water, my only solace the occasional glimpse of a female customer's cleavage as she reached to grab a water bottle from my cart. I had no girlfriend, no prospects, and nothing to look forward to. That was until I bought that device on the black market.

With my new device, I could scroll through any photo on the internet and transport myself into the person's body, in the exact moment the photo was taken.

I scrolled nervously through my list of Facebook friends. Mostly everybody had abandoned the platform, but I knew it was chalk-full of images from years ago. I bit my bottom lip, as I came across some of my high school classmates.

I hesitated, hovering over a picture of Sadie, the girl who once sat two rows ahead of me in math class. I remember having a bit of a crush on her. But she was never interested in boys like me.

I tapped into her profile and browsed through the tagged photos. She looked happy now. Good for her. I kept scrolling down, back into her teenage years. When we were in high school together.

I stopped at a picture from a family trip. I sighed, remembering how I had jacked off to that exact photo countless times during our high school years. It wasn’t hard to understand why —she was wearing a bikini top, partially covered by some sort of cardigan, looking supremely confident.

She was just a kid, of course. But, in my loneliness, I found myself wondering what it would be like to slip into her skin, to touch myself in her youthful body.

With a quick breath, I tapped the photo. The screen flickered, and a rush of warmth enveloped me. Reality blurred, fading into a kaleidoscope of colors before snapping back into focus. I blinked, momentarily disoriented, and found myself on a grassy beach.

I was standing on the grass, the soft earth warm beneath my bare feet. Sadie’s bare feet. Her bare legs, too… I looked down at myself in disbelief; it was Sadie as I remembered her then.

I glanced down at my hands, delicate fingers adorned with colorful friendship bracelets. I vaguely remembered her wearing these to school.

She, well, I was wearing short shorts. She was skinny, but her hips were wide. And her chest was fuller than I remembered. The fabric of the bikini hugged her curves, showing off those modest yet perfectly shaped tits I had ogled every day of my youth.

I cringed, remembering how I would ejaculate into some tissue paper as I stared at her pictures, lost in my fantasies.

But now, I was that Sadie in that image. What now? What did I really want from this experience?

"Sadie! Wanna play some Frisbee?" It was her brother, Jake —he used to be in my class.

“Oh, uh, no,” I stumbled, locating a hotel key card in her cardigan pocket, “I’m gonna head back to the room…”

“Seriously, Sadie? You just got here! Can’t you just relax and have fun?” he called after me, his voice tinged with disbelief.

As I turned, I felt the weight of Jake's confused gaze on my back. My heart raced. What was I doing? And now I was an adult standing in the body of a girl I once longed for. This teenage wet dream of mine.

I entered the hotel room and immediately closed the door behind me, leaning against it like a lifeline. I looked around, taking in the familiar clutter of a family's vacation space —sunglasses strewn across the dresser, a half-packed suitcase.

I caught sight of myself in the mirror. Sadie's reflection stared back, her bright blue eyes wide with innocence. I touched her face, feeling the smoothness of her skin—a stark contrast to my own weary hands. It was surreal.

What had I hoped to gain from this? A momentary thrill? A chance to relive my youth through her? But as I stood there, I felt that familiar pang of loneliness creep in again. The echoes of my past desires twisted into something more complicated; this wasn’t just about lust anymore—this was an escape.

“Just one quick look…” Curiosity gripped me tighter than any lingering sense of morality.

I glanced back at the door, listening intently for Jake’s laughter, the sounds of splashes from the pool somewhere nearby. Was anyone really paying attention? I turned back to the mirror, my heart pounding louder than ever.

My gaze trailed down to her cleavage. I carefully disrobed the cardigan and let it slip from my shoulders, feeling the fabric pool at my feet.

I reached out to touch her hair, the way it framed her face—the way it bounced when she laughed. I remembered those times in school when I had ached for her attention, and now I was inside her.

Maybe this was a chance for me to rewrite our story, to live out even a fragment of that innocent potential that slipped through my fingers back then. I leaned closer to the mirror, examining every detail of Sadie’s perfectly formed features.

I fantasized that I was talking to my teenage self as Sadie.

“You could have had me, you know,” I cooed, “If only you had the courage to speak up.”

I lightly traced fingers along the curve of her breast, marveling at the softness. Sadie’s body responded with sensations I had only ever fantasized about.

Encouraged by her reaction, I squeezed gently, feeling a wave of pleasure surge through me. It was a mixture of desire, excitement, and confusion all rolled into one overwhelming sensation.

“Touch me there, Alex,” I cooed, addressing my teenage self, "I won't bite."

With a hesitant breath, I explored further, running my fingers across her skin, marveling at the softness and youth.

“I’m …a girl…” I giggled, running my hands over the curve of her hips and the flat expanse of her stomach.

“Remember how you used to stare at my pictures?” I whispered, “Remember the way you'd dream of being with me? Of fucking me dirty?”

“Is this what you wanted?” I whispered to myself, searching for the clarity I craved but could not find, “To become the girl you admired from afar?”

I let my fingers wander along her thighs, tracing the soft skin up to the seam of her shorts.

“Just see what it feels like,” Sadie’s voice, my voice now, urged me on, “You wanted this. You dreamed about it.”

I let my fingers slip beneath the fabric, feeling the warmth radiating from her body. The world around me faded; it was just me and the intoxicating thrill of Sadie’s youthful form.

“Just a little further,” I murmured breathlessly, the words escaping my lips as if they were her thoughts, “I want you …inside of me.”