Ron was kissing me!
I hesitated, the word “no” crowding my throat but not getting all the way out.
I should have stopped. I knew that. But instead, I let him lift me onto the counter, let him wrap my legs around his waist—Carol’s legs around Ron’s waist.
He started hungrily kissing Carol’s breasts and neck, his hands moving over me with a confidence, like he knew every inch of me better than I did. He probably did.
I tried to catch up with myself, with everything that was happening. From the outside, everything looked so perfect—just another flawless moment in the long list of Ron and Carol’s flawless moments.
Inside, I was spinning.
“Okay,” I whispered, barely believing myself, “Okay.”
I had never even had a girlfriend before. Never been this close to anyone. Never had anyone else get this close to me.
“Ron, I really don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never done this before,” I said desperately, as if words could unwind the increasing intensity of the moment.
“I'm Tyler. You know I'm not Carol," I tried again, watching his face, wondering if this was going to change anything, if it even registered with him at all.
“I’m really not her!” I added, my voice rising as I pulled back to see if he cared, if it mattered to him.
He just stood smiling at me like a short-circuited computer.
“Of course you are, babe,” he said, leaning in close.
Stuck on the counter like a deer in headlights, I stared at him. Waiting to see if he’d reboot, if he’d suddenly snap out of it and see me for who I really was. But nothing changed.
I laughed in disbelief. Nothing could phase shadow-Ron.
“Okay,” I said again, the word trembling out of me, “But no kissing. You can… uh… touch my boobs though if you want.”
The words felt ridiculous as they left my mouth, but he didn't seem to notice. He took it seriously, like everything else.
He moved with purpose, his hands exploring in a way that was both gentle and overwhelming. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Just closed my eyes and let it happen, disbelief thrumming through me.
Then I heard him unzip his fly and pull out his erection.
I couldn’t do this. Not really.
“Wait. Wait!” I yelped, scrambling back and jumping off the counter.
He stepped toward me, reaching—still so eager.
“Ron! Just wait!” I blurted, my voice cracking.
I stared at him, trying to avert my eyes from his hard-on. This was insane. What the hell was I doing?
He took another step forward, and everything inside me screamed to get out, to run.
When I caught our reflection in the window again, I stopped in my tracks, arrested by the image staring back at me. The sight was absurd. Unbelievable. But also weirdly reassuring. We looked just like a regular, newlywed couple. A new sense of normalcy washed back over me, like that image was exactly what I needed to see. It was almost enough to make things feel right, or at least less crazy. It was almost enough to make me believe it myself. Ron and Carol. Husband and wife.
Just like that, the panic that had swelled inside me began to fade. I took a deep breath.
“Okay,” I said, almost to myself, the panic leveling out.
Comments
Post a Comment