Whatever was in my body wasn't me. It wasn't Maggie either. It was something else entirely, something that could perfectly mimic my mannerisms, my relationships, my entire life. And no one—not my wife, not my children—could tell the difference.
I returned to Maggie's house in a daze, everything suddenly feeling more permanent.
I stopped in front of the house, my house now, and took a deep breath. Rob looked up from his gardening and smiled at me.
"That was quick," he said, wiping soil from his hands.
"Yeah," I managed, my voice hollow, "It's getting hot out."
“Wanna go for a swim in the pool?
Swimming. That meant wearing a bikini. My heart thudded at the prospect. I hadn't thought through how it would feel to be exposed like that, to have Maggie's body on display for anyone to see. To have Rob looking at me dressed like that.
If I resisted, if I hesitated, it would only raise more questions, and I couldn't handle any more of those. I couldn't handle more of Rob's concerned looks, his soft voice asking if I was okay. I had to act like Maggie, even if it meant wearing a bikini. I had to seem like her. I had to be her, at least for now.
"Sure," I said, my voice distant.
I watched Rob’s face light up, watched him admire her, desire her—me—like I had always desired her but never said.
I parked the stroller outside with Rob and padded into the house.
I went into the bedroom, not sure if I was horrified or excited. I pulled open the dresser drawer and stared at the assortment of swimwear, biting my lip in uncertainty. I picked out a red and white striped bikini—the one I had seen Maggie wearing countless times in her backyard pool—and felt the fabric between my fingers.
My hands shook slightly as I held up the top to my chest, as I looked at her—me—in the mirror.
I steeled myself and slipped out of the crop top and shorts, letting them fall to the floor.
I stood in my panties, hesitating as I looked at the swimsuit.
It was absurd. It was ridiculous. I shouldn't have liked this as much as I did. I shouldn't have liked any of this. But I did.
I slipped out of my clothes, my breath catching at the familiar sight of my naked reflection. I let my eyes linger, let myself look, really look. I put on the bikini, tying the strings behind my neck, adjusting the fabric over my breasts, feeling them perfectly fill out the triangles of fabric.
I turned in the mirror. The fit was perfect. I let the body in the mirror fill me, let it thrill me.
The body was perfect.
Maggie had worn this effortlessly, lounging on a sun chair. I remembered watching her from my own patio, pretending to focus on grilling or yard work, sneaking glances when I thought no one was looking. Now I was the one wearing the bikini. I was the one with her body.
I slipped into a pair of sandals and grabbed a towel from the linen closet, my heart pounding with apprehension and an unfamiliar thrill.
I almost didn't want to leave the bedroom, didn't want to face Rob seeing me like this.
But I was too curious. Too selfish.
I emerged from the house, squinting in the sun, feeling the heat on Maggie's—my—skin.
Rob was already in the pool.
Alvin gurgled happily in the playpen. He would be fine there.
I paused at the edge of the patio and surveyed the glittering water. I had a flashback to when I was just a boy, when I'd stolen one of my sister's bathing suits and tried it on in secret, hiding in the bathroom, locking the door.
I hadn’t thought about that day in years.
It had fit tightly, awkwardly on my pudgy frame, and I had been terrified of getting caught, of being found out.
"This is so fucked up," I whispered, echoing words I'd said then, words I was saying again now.
But now—now the bikini fit perfectly, and there was no one to catch me, no one to find me out. Not when the person I was pretending to be was me.
I walked to the edge of the pool, the concrete warm beneath my feet, and slipped into the water.
It was cool, refreshing, and my body responded to it instantly, the flesh puckering into goosebumps, the sensation sharp and exhilarating.
Rob swam toward me, a grin on his face, his eyes taking in the sight of me.
"Wow," he said, a low whistle escaping his lips, "You look amazing."
I felt a flush of embarrassment at his words, at the way he looked at me with desire and admiration. It was different from how I'd imagined it, different from how I'd imagined any of this.
My breasts floated slightly in the water, a strange new buoyancy I'd never experienced.
"You seem more like yourself today," Rob said, treading water nearby.
I smiled, pushing wet hair from my face, "Do I?"
"Yeah," he nodded, swimming closer.
His proximity sent a jolt through me, and I moved back, laughing nervously, "I guess I just needed a swim."
I ducked underwater, letting the coolness envelop me, shutting out the world and the strange, confusing feelings of being here, in Maggie's body, with Rob.
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