I resurfaced, peaking my eyes above the water.
Rob was seated by the end of the pool. I watched him covertly as the water streamed off his shoulders.
My “husband”.
I had been afraid to even look at him before, scared that he’d somehow be able to see through me. But I studied him this time as he closed his eyes, soaking up the sun.
I wasn’t even interested in men. Heck, I was married to a woman! I was a father!
I let my hands run over my breasts. They felt full and heavy in my hands, even in the water. I watched Rob as I touched them.
His wife’s body.
He opened his eyes, catching me. I looked away, feeling my heart race. I let myself float on my back, feeling the sun on my face.
I was such a terrible person for wanting this.
Alvin’s cries for food interrupted once again.
My hands dropped away. I felt a rush of disappointment. I swam to the edge of the pool.
Rob met me there.
“I’ve got him,” Rob said, “You relax.”
I watched him pick Alvin up, cradling him easily. I watched him with their son, with …my son?
He was a good father. But I was the mother now.
I watched Rob carry Alvin inside, towel-drying his hair with one hand as he held the baby with the other. The door clicked shut.
I was alone.
The water lapped at the sides of the pool, breaking the silence. I floated, letting myself drift I floated with the sound of Maggie’s pulse in my ears.
What did I want to do? What did I really want to do?
There was no going home. Not to the home I once had. Not to the life I once had.
But this wasn’t so bad, was it?
Was it?
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